14 Weeks

Amazing to think a real, live, whole person is growing inside. Yesterday I met my midwife for the first time and it really brought a sense of relief. I had this feeling that she would look at me and say 'uh, you're not pregnant'. Instead, it was 'yup, there's a baby in there, just the right size for a 13-14 week old'. And while it took a while to find, the most reassuring part was when we heard the rapid little heart beating. No denying it now! Beating away at 150 bpm. I suppose that's what made this all feel the most 'real' to me so far. Yeah, I know it's a pretty good sign when I can feel my uterus growing and when I'm sick and throwing up everyday for months. And when my hormones and emotions are all outta whack. But something about hearing a seperate heart beating twice as fast as mine, wow, that's my baby. You would think that this being my second child, it wouldn't be so difficult for me to grasp what is going on, but no, I think this time it is even more 'WHOA this is crazy!'. 1/3 of the way there! It's the start of the 2nd trimester!

TWO years old!

Well, we made it! Cade turned 2 last week! We planned to have one big special day for him, but it quickly turned into several little things over several days. This is attributed mostly to my inability to function as dinner time nears, so plans for the evening usually got pushed to 'maybe tomorrow'. Anyhow, he did get to see his first football game, go hiking and play in the sand, and have candles to blow out on his cake. We went the zucchini bar route for his cake. He loves them! And there was supposed to be frosting, but even that got pushed to 'maybe some other day' as it was already 7pm by the time we (Nick) baked the little cakes. Regardless, he thought the world of a table full of balloons and candles and unlimited 'cake'! He didn't even seem to notice that it was 2 days past his birthday. Oh, and he did open presents and cards on his actual birthday. If only he would have left his 'I'm 2!' birthday crown on for at least one picture...'maybe some other day'.

Home Sweet

Back home in Iowa. It only took a few minutes of being home to wonder how in the world is this going to work?? Sometimes I feel great, like nothing is wrong, like nothing ever was wrong. Then like a huge wave, I just get taken over and carried under and I'm unable to function. The nausea is horrible, but so too is the emotional and mental turmoil that goes along with it. I'm just not used to breaking down and crying...for no reason! And yet, only moments ago, my not quite 2 year old son said "How's it going for you? I love you." So maybe I should just take my own advice: suck it up and deal with it! God is in control and this is all for the service of our new baby. Lord give me the strength.

9 Weeks Pregnant

Wow. One thing God has blessed mothers with (or at least me) is a short-term memory. It boggles my mind how I just 'forgot' about pregnancy = the flu that never ends. And the emotional instability. And the out-of-body experiences all day. And the depression. And the denial that there is actually a baby in me (it's all just some crazy thing I've made up). And how worthless and useless I feel! Anyhow, I've been staying with my parents in Ohio for the past week so that Nick can be productive at the church and not have to worry about Cade and I. It's really supercharged the feelings of worthlessness. My daily goal is to hold down the couch and any food my mother graciously brings to me. And I am pretty knowledgable about the Olympics, or at least what NBC will cover. Cade has been thriving in the country air and unending supply of food. I am pretty sure he's put on about 10 pounds and a couple of inches in the week we've been here. He also seems to enjoy that Grandma's house is Grandkid Central Station. There are at least 2 or more extra grandkids here everyday. And so, on we go. Each day trying to feel more like I actually exist.

Yet another change

Sooo...there is another baby on the way! Excited, but mostly nauseous and exhausted.

Nature

Right out our back door. It was a beautiful evening in Iowa and we were able to enjoy God's splendor as a family.

The boys filled the bird feeder and as I walked out to join them, I found this guy. He was buried in the grass, until I unknowingly disturbed him. Nick picked him up, but he jumped right out of his hands. We told Cade he could touch it, and much to my surprise, he did! Several times he reached down and gently touched the frog with one finger.

The frog would sit motionless and then bolt several feet away when Cade would touch it. I thought it would scare Cade, but instead he exclaimed "Ohhh my goooodness!!" and then he would try to touch it again. Look closely, the frog is in the photo! (Straight across from Cade's chin)

Members Only

That's correct. Two days ago I became a mite-box-carrying member of Trinity Lutheran Church's Ladies Aid. No, I'm not quite sure what that means, but I do know that I'm the youngest member, by a couple generations. I'm not making fun, I really like being around those with more life experience than I. No one really explained what it means to be a member. All I know is they asked me, I said yes, I signed the book, learned the hand shake, and I'm in. Cade is kind of an unofficial member. More like a mascot. I never did ask him how he feels about attending Ladies Aid meetings. I'm pretty sure as long as they keep sharing the desserts with him, he'll be alright with the whole situation. Anyhow, I hope to be able to help out during my 1 year membership and maybe even learn to knit. I already have several things that I would like to make.